A Non-Exhaustive Legally Non-Binding Guide to Quitting Drinking
In lieu of a regular newsletter since I've just moved state and my brain in fucking liquid, I decided to write something a little different.
Let me be clear from the start, I don’t really know shit about fuck. I am, if anything, just a bumbling collection of reactions to the things that happen around me. But, I've done this one thing and ended up learning a couple things about that one thing that people sometimes find interesting.
Every now and then I'll be in a beer garden or smokers section explaining how I don't drink anymore to a drunk person who says, or at bare minimum acknowledged, that they have/want to stop drinking. Most of the time I've said that I'm happy to chat about it in another context (I don't want to ruin the vibe further, as admitting to a near stranger you want to quit drinking is inherently daunting) but I'm rarely actually followed up on it.
A part of me thinks I should be the one that follows up or checks in on them and where they ended up, but at the same time it's not on me to ~save~ everybody. I figured that they'll start their journey when they're ready, I guess? I then realised nobody is ever really ready. A lot of the time it hits you when you least expect it, say, attempting to revenge piss on some weird guy's front lawn at 6am in the morning but finding that half of it is running down your leg and into your boot while you think, "I can't keep doing this!" ... just as a random example.
I'll be honest, I don't really know how to quit drinking. I did it in a really, really strange way where I decided the only person that I could listen to was myself, therefore I had to be the one to tell myself to stop, even though I was the one that had to stop. Convoluted? I barely know her. I've heard and continue to hear stories of how other people stopped drinking and everyone’s ~journey~ is a little bit different.
Also, and I'm seeing it a lot more, you don't have to be a massive pisshound to want to stop drinking (lucky you, I GUESS). It just feels weird, or it can look weird to those around you, as if your choice not to drink is going to upset the delicate ecosystem your local piece of shit dive bar claims to have cultivated.
So, I've put together a list of resources, tips, tricks and everything that I know about quitting drinking. It is absolutely non-exhaustive, I’m sure I’ll have missed something, and my lawyer (the person I pretend to be whenever I put on a jacket with a collar on) has advised that this advice is legally non-binding, which I'm told means you can't hold me accountable if you fuck it up because I'm not an expert, I'm just a girl.
Let's dig in.
The Australian Alcohol Guidelines from FARE (Foundation for Alcohol Research & Education) say that, "If you drink alcohol, the Australian Alcohol Guidelines recommend you have no more than ten standard drinks in a week – and no more than four standard drinks on any one day – to reduce the risk of disease or injury".
This is just FYI. I don't think it necessarily means you're IN problem territory yet, but it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye out because your health, I'm told, is number one.
On standard drinks and all that, if you think you’re going to go into withdrawal if you stop drinking, then don’t do that. Cannot ask you enough to not do that. Please don’t try and go cold turkey. Have you seen House? It’s fucked. I’ve not been through withdrawal myself (I don't think…?) but if it’s anything like the first day of having no booze after drinking 4 weeks straight on a Contiki, it’s not fun or something not to do without medical supervision (especially cause I don’t think your mum has as much access to Valium as mine did).
There are a number of different in and outpatient detoxification programs you can do depending on your needs that a doctor, medical professional or somebody with a photoshopped medical certificate who has access to Google can point you in the right direction of. If you’re not sure what withdrawal symptoms actually feel like, here’s an article about what to look out for. There’s also a health service finder attached, mucho handyo.
Story time!
For me, personally (lawyer talk), stopping the habitual act of drinking was one thing, but getting to the root of why I drank (psych talk) was another. I’ll be very brave and honest with you, dear reader, I realised the reason I drank had to do with control. I didn’t feel good, drinking make me feel good, therefore I thought I could make myself feel good. More of a first draft idea that I just kinda ran with that retrospectively could have gone through a couple more edits.
I had to find other ways to make myself feel good which I have good days and bad days with even now. It’s a lot of work trying to to keep the primordial, self indulgent rat that lives inside of me fed and on a leash, but I’ve seen what she does when unsupervised, and outside of being damanging and unproductive to the life I want to live, she’s ultimately really fucking cringe.
Spoiler alert: If you’re a problem drinker looking to stop, you will more than likely come head to head with a lot of shit you were ignoring previously, and it can be a lot! If you’ve had a perfect brain up until now and didn’t know, you can hit up your GP for a Mental Health Care Plan which gives you 10 free/heavily discounted sessions with a psychologist. Get as many professionals in there for free, I say. The more the better. I’m always saying this!
Like I said earlier, I went about quitting in a really weird way, making up my own rules and techniques as I went (highly, super don’t recommend). A “tool” I used was picking a date and then sticking with it (sounds so simple!). From memory it took 2 or 3 goes but essentially I picked a date that would be the “offical start date” of my sobriety. I would write it on my hand whenever I was near alcohol in an attempt to remind myself that that was my date. If I messed it up that meant I would have to find a brand new one (guilt tripping never not works!). It worked eventually, I think. I’m nearly six years in so I assume at least one of the things I did worked.
It’s getting way easier, but I’ve had conversations with people about why I don’t drink that make me want to slam my head into a wall until it changes the subject or I pass out. Some people just simply don’t get it (It’s also, incase you didn’t know, literally nobodies fucking business why you do anything you do).
HOWEVER, I’ve noticed a shift in people’s attitudes around sobriety and it really gives me hope. There are so many ACTUALLY NICE non-alcholic drinks popping up now, that it’s hard for people to give you a hard time when you have something equally as nice as what they’re drinking (and honestly a bit of an ego boost because you can sit on your high horse like “this is actually all I need for a nice time… weird on your part tbh”).
My friend Bianca wrote about this (in the previous link) plus another article about the best non-alc substitutions for your favourite drinks here.
I find it very helpful even still to still have a drink it my hand as a social crutch and to also keep my mouth busy (otherwise all I do it yap, yap, yap!). My personal favourites, if you must know! are: Mailer McGuire, T.I.N.A Drinks and StrangeLove. There’s also full websites dedicated to non-alc yummy’s like Killjoy Drinks and ANA Drinks. (A little peak behind the curtain, I’m currently at a bar as I write this sipping on a criminally expensive non-alcoholic negroni spritz which is only just fine! But obviously it’s nice there are fun different options than post mix…)
Since I’m no expert I did some actual research to find helpful resources from actual, legitimate experts (I can’t do it all, I’m just one lady!) Hopefully you find any/some of this helpful.
Tips & Tricks for Quitting from FARE (Foundation for Alcohol Research & Education)
National Alcohol and Other Drugs Hotline from health.gov.au:
Alcoholics Anonymous - Breaks down what to expect, AA resources and where to find meetings near you
How Alcohol Affects Your Health from FARE (Foundation for Alcohol Research & Education)
SMART Recovery - Online meetings that use evidence-based tools to empower people seeking assistance for addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, cigarettes, food, etc. The meetings are free and run weekly for 90 mins. Each meeting is guided by a trained facilitator.
Drug & Alcohol Information from Positive Choices for Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islanders
13YARN - Free, confidential and culturally safe hotline to speak with Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporters 24/7. 13YARN or 13 92 76.
Aboriginal Alcohol & Other Drug Service (AOD) Victoria - Every state has a version of this that can be found by googling AOD service (state name).
ALSO back in my day (2017), I would have never have even thought to look for an app for support, and to be honest, I don’t know why. I think I had had an iPhone for at least 8 years at the point? Regardless, there’s a bunch of apps you can jump on to for support or to keep you accountable, plus dozens in the app store that help you keep track of how long you’ve been sober for.
Daybreak App - Government backed free app for Australian users evaluated by Curtin University's National Drug Research Institute. Anonymous fully-moderated community safe space.
Cuppa - A place for you to share, get advice and meet people that have decided to ditch alcohol. Cuppa is your online place to connect with the sober world.
Untoxicated - Australia’s largest alcohol-free social community for the sober and sober curious.
At the end of the day I think the most crucial but equally scary part of it all is support. There are going to be people that whole heartedly support your decision and go out of their way to make sure you’re safe and comfortable, and there are others who won’t. People’s attitudes are getting noticeably better, but not everyone will want to meet you at a cafe instead of the pub, and not everyone is going to not make fun of you for having a lemon, lime and bitters.
It’s shitty and annoying but quitting drinking can be one of those “seeing who your real friends are” moments (more lessons? gross!). There’s not much you can do outside of look after you, and take solace in the fact that if somebody does have a problem with it, it’s more indicative of their relationship with alcohol then it is yours (fuck ‘em, is what I’m saying).
Godspeed, be well, drink ‘buch x